There’s Also Moments In Time When They Are Not Exclusive.

And when that happens, bask in it’s glow. For you are one of the lucky ones. My wife left me yesterday and I feel it might be cathartic to write about it. I did everything I could to try to make her happy. Sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. But it was all going to be worth it. We were going to have a successful marriage. At least that’s what I thought. I was truly willing sacrifice everything, even if that meant my own happiness, just to insure success in our marriage. I quit drinking, went to church on Sundays with her (I’m not a church go’er and never have been), listened better, got a better career for her. One that could support her aspirations and a family. I changed everything about me for her and it still didn’t change our outcome.

My happiness was on the chopping block and I was fine with that. Nothing was more important to me then our future together. Once apart, I immediately realized it was a selfish goal. One that I (key word being “I”) focused intently changing. But sometimes that’s the problem. You can not control another persons emotions. You can change yourself until the cows come home but that does not mean you can change another. And I realized that the moment she walked out the door. Her happiness was more important then the success of our marriage. And the fact that she was unhappy showed me the utter failure of my selfish ambitions. We shouldn’t try to “make” someone else happy. It’s their own emotions to control. What makes you happy and what makes you successful are sometimes on opposite ends of the spectrum, are you willing to give up everything in order to achieve one or the other. They’re not always mutually exclusive. And when they work in tandem, watch out. Life is grand, and you have the world at your feet.

When we first met we were both happy and successful and I took those moment for granted. I thought nothing would ever change. I became compliant and neglectful. Why work when everything was going so well? Success of our relationship began to falter. Then it failed. And when it did, happiness came crashing down with it. So I tried to sacrifice one for the other. A plea bargain was made, I would continue to be unhappy if it meant insuring the success of our marriage. Neither of which worked. Little did I know she was unhappy too. She never talked about it, just harbored this silent resentment. So it was surprising to find out we were both unhappy, which then lead to us both to being unsuccessful in marriage. Only 3 and half years and it was given up on so easily.

I planned my life around this person. And it failed. But my failure is an opportunity to improve. Watch for the warning signs that I was blissfully unaware of. Constantly on their phone, complete disregard for you in each others presents, a new career, close attention to their appearance, loss of weight, avoidance of talking about your future together. That’s just a list of what I’m aware of. There is probably a ton of other things that eluded my perception.

My point is don’t try to be something your not. The person you were when you first met is the person they fell in love with. We change and we grow, sometimes we grow apart. Nothing wrong with that. Just know that it could happen, be cognizant of it, don’t stay blissfully ignorant, don’t be neglectful. Just be authentically you and if that’s not good enough, it simply was never meant to be.



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